How Christians Should Treat One Another: Lessons in Love and Forgiveness

When it comes to Christian fellowship, the Bible gives us clear instructions about how we should interact with our brothers and sisters in Christ. First John is specifically written to Christians to show how to maintain fellowship with God and with one another. As believers, we are called to act differently than the world in our interactions with each other. Unfortunately, in many churches today, worldly behaviors have become accepted as the norm. This undermines our witness and breaks our fellowship with God. Let's examine what Scripture teaches about how Christians should treat one another.

What Does It Mean to Love One Another as Christians? First John 3:10-15 makes it clear that loving our brothers and sisters in Christ is a fundamental marker of true Christianity: "In this the children of God and the children of the devil are manifest: Whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is he who does not love his brother." John goes on to say that we know we have "passed from death to life because we love the brethren." This is serious - if we don't love our fellow Christians properly, we "do not have eternal life abiding in us." This doesn't mean we lose salvation, but it does mean we're not living in fellowship with Christ. What Kind of Love Should Christians Show Each Other? The Greek word used in First John for love is the verb form of "agape" (agapao). This is the same unconditional love God shows toward us - a love that is intentionally chosen and demonstrated. It's a conscious choice to love and act in ways that benefit others.

This love has three key characteristics:

1. Unconditional Love Romans 5:7-8 reminds us: "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Christians are to love each other as we are, just as God chose to love us just as we were. We don't set conditions on our love for one another.

2. Sacrificial Love First John 3:16-18 states: "By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. But whoever has this world's goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him?" This means we should be willing to use our resources to meet the needs of others. It's not enough to say "I love you" - we must demonstrate it through our actions. As John writes, "Let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth."

3. Personal Love First John 4:20-21 challenges us: "If someone says, 'I love God,' and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother also."

Nothing could be clearer. If we hate our brother, it's impossible to love God because hating our brother is sin.

Why Do Christians Struggle to Love Each Other?

Today, instead of loving the person and hating the sin, we often hate the person because of the sin. This is completely contrary to Christ's example. We're called to love people enough to share the gospel with them, regardless of their sins or political views. Love is a character trait for Christians. When we fail to demonstrate it, we damage our witness to the lost world. The lost don't have the indwelling Holy Spirit - they need to see God's love in us. You might say, "I just can't do it. I cannot love that person." You're probably right - in your flesh, you can't. But when you submit yourself to the Holy Spirit, you can love as Christ loved.

How Should Christians Forgive One Another?

Ephesians 4:32 instructs us to be "kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you."

Similarly, Colossians 3:13 says, "bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do." The Greek word for forgive here (charizomai) means to completely forgive and to forgive unconditionally. It's the same word used in Romans 8:32 where it says God "freely gives us all things."

What Does It Mean to Forgive Like Christ?

When God forgives our sins, they are "removed as far as the east is from the west." But does God forget our sins? Not exactly.

Since God is all-knowing, He cannot forget anything. Instead, He chooses not to remember our sins. This is how we're called to forgive - by choosing not to remember the offense. If you say, "I have forgiven, but I will never forget," you're choosing to remember, which is not true forgiveness. The devil wants to keep bringing your past up to you. He wants you to remember offenses against you. But Christ calls us to forgive as He forgave us.

Can We Choose Not to Forgive?

As Christians, we do not have the right to withhold forgiveness. Jesus taught that if we want to be forgiven, we must forgive. If we are unwilling to forgive, we're out of fellowship with God. The good news is that restoration is simple: "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9).

Life Application

Consider the story of Enrico Dipazzio, a Christian in Nazi-occupied France who sheltered a Jewish family. When betrayed and sent to a concentration camp, the Nazi commander asked why Enrico wasn't angry. Enrico replied, "Because I love you... because Jesus first loved me and gave Himself for me." Years after the war, Enrico discovered the Nazi commander living nearby. Instead of seeking revenge, Enrico and his wife prepared a feast and visited the commander, saying: "That night years ago, I told you I loved you because Jesus first loved me. It is still true. Tonight I forgive you because Christ forgave me." That very night, the ex-Nazi and his wife were saved.

Ask yourself these questions:

• Am I loving others with the same unconditional, sacrificial, personal love Christ showed me?

• Is there someone I need to forgive completely, choosing not to remember their offense?

• What grudges or ill feelings am I "fertilizing" that are preventing God's power in my life?

• How might my relationships and witness change if I truly loved and forgave as Christ does?

This week, identify one relationship where you need to demonstrate Christ-like love or forgiveness. Take a concrete step toward reconciliation, whether that means having a difficult conversation, offering help to someone in need, or simply choosing to let go of a past hurt. Remember, our ability to love and forgive comes not from our own strength, but from the Holy Spirit working within us.